


The Blackness In Me

by fersne



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 09:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14210517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fersne/pseuds/fersne
Summary: John Egbert can't help but feel.. hopeless. And at his age, who wouldn't be? Almost out of high school, and with a few new diagnoses under his belt, this story follows his life, and the struggles that ensue.





	The Blackness In Me

There's a soft blackness that's been using my body as a host, slowly growing over the years.  
There was a time when the relationship was mutually beneficial- when I would let it take me over in return for the hurt it gave me, addictive in ways I didn't care to admit. In ways that I would keep to myself, outwardly expressing my hate for it, something that society had told me was the appropriate response.  
I hadn’t noticed then, when the blackness had completely overtaken me. When there was so much that it had begun seeping out of me, and into those who came close.  
Maybe it was easier for them to let go, rather than allow the volatile substance to stain their otherwise clean hands. Or, perhaps, they simply didn’t want to watch what was happening to me. Why, when in a world so full of beauty and impossible possibilities, would anyone hang on to the one weight that was predetermined to drag them down, drowning the both of them in the attempt to feel wanted.  
When confronted with it at the time, I didn’t understand. Or, maybe I couldn’t, with the black film that covered my sight and muted the words of concern. The problem had to be with them, not me. How could it be, when I felt that everyone held the responsibility to keep me safe, even from myself?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So I'm working on this story, and putting the Preface up so I actually get the motivation to keep writing.


End file.
